So there I was, unprovoked, when the phone rings.  It is an 800 number.  The caller id is not being blocked, so I figure it's safe that I answer.  Oh boy!  was I mistaken.


Me:  Good morning!

Caller: Hello, is this <my name butchered>?

Me:  Who's calling, please?

Caller:  Hello, I am calling to be speaking about your ass card.

Me:  Excuse me? My what?

Caller:  Is this <my name butchered>.

Me:  Yes, how can I help you?

Caller:  Yes, I am calling today to be speaking to you about your ass card.

Me: ok...

Caller:  Please tell me your address.

Me: No.

Caller:  I am having important information about your ass card and I am needing your address for confirmation.

Me:  I am not giving you my address.  This sounds like phishing to me. 

Caller:  You are an important customer and that is why I am needing your address to confirm and be giving you important information.

Me:  You called me.  You know where I live.  Just give me the information.

Caller:  I cannot be doing that.  You must be giving me the address for confirmation.

Me:  Please transfer me to your supervisor.

Caller:  I cannot be doing that.

Me:  I cannot give you my address.  Please get a supervisor.

Caller:  The supervisors are too busy to be talking to you.

Me:  Well, I think you are calling for nefarious purposes.  Please do not call me back.


Ok, to be honest, I knew she meant "Aspen Card", but that is NOT what she was saying.  Management really should explain to these call center people the difference between saying "you ass card" and "your Aspen card", cause damn, it's a good thing I found that funny.

So I called my credit card company to see if they truly had a call center where they spoke in that manner.  After negotiating the voice prompts, putting in my account info, etc. I got:

Call center drone: How may I be helping you.

Me: May I speak a supervisor please?

Call center drone: There is no supervisor available. Perhaps, maybe I may be helping you.

Me: No.  I would like a supervisor please.

Call center drone: Ah, ok, may I be having your address now please?

Me: No.  I would just like to speak to a supervisor.

Call center drone: I can be helping you if you be telling me what this is about.

Me: No.  I would like a supervisor please.

Call center drone: Ok you will be calling back later.

I hang up with a sigh, losing the battle, but not the war.  I know that somehow I will prevail, and I did, because later that day the phone rings again with that 800 number:

Me:  Good afternoon!

Caller: Hello, I am calling to be speaking to <my name correctly pronounced>?

Me:  Yes who's calling, please?

Caller:  Hello, I am calling from Aspen card services. Am I speaking to <my name>.

The call progresses reasonable and is resolved to my relative satisfaction.

Caller:  If you need any further assistance, please feel free to be calling me at <telephone number, extension>.

Me:  Great!  And what is your name?

Caller:  Oh, my name is Pablo Johnson.