What's on the car today?


It seems that my neighbor has a habit of piling random crap on her car.  These things range from seat cushions, to shoes, even full on furniture. In the interest of fun and to validate my claims, I have decided to chronicle the car's external decor. 

Day 1:

There is some kind of bed frame, a sheet of plywood, a cushion and 3 trash bags.  I'm not sure if this is a garage sale, a storage shed or modern art.
Day 2:
This day there are still trash bags piled on the car, but now there is a bookshelf and a TV stand of some kind in front of the car. Perhaps she is building an obelisk like in 2001.  Soon monkeys will come barreling out of the car and start beating the bookshelf with old cell phones or something. 
Day 3:
The trash bags and furniture have gone, to be replaced by a piece of wood and a new bookshelf on the trunk. The monkeys must have carried off the TV stand.  Or maybe it wasn't an obelisk, but a stargate to her trunk.
Day 4:
Dig the welcome mat on the rear window. You're always welcome on this car! Or are you? 
Day 5:
It's time for the upside-down tea party on our upside down coffee table, on the car! Call Mary Poppins!



Our anthropologist attempts to explain these actions:

I shall offer my theory on the object placing:

It is an ancient superstition, passed down from the nomadic tribes of Antarctica. Anything that is taken into the house must first be blessed by a night out with the car....under the stars....so god can bless the entry into the blessed home.

Once in a while, she has to go out and spend the night in the car.....as a confessional and all her friends also need to spend time in the car....the car shall not be used for transportation purposes, as it is hallowed ground.


In order to be cleansed, you must first leave your shoes ON the trunk then the keeper shall put out the welcome mat on the trunk, at which time, the cushion ceremony shall begin.


During these festivities, the overnight and morning dew, shall serve as holy water which purifies the cushion. Once the cushion is moist, the mandatory two-day fresh-air drying period begins. During the cushion-drying ceremony, all shelves shall be also exposed.

Bookshelves shall be taken to the outside and stained properly, not before the trunk procedures are enacted:


* One day on the ground, one day ON the trunk

* If anyone touches any of these objects, the complete ceremony shall be repeated


Once the bookshelves are secured from the trunk, and shelves are stained, then the table top period begins. At this time, the guardian shall spend another night in the hallowed car...it is now required that the guardian moves the hallowed car 4 spaces to either the right or left of the appointed parking spaces.


Once the moving ceremony takes place, and only after, then the newly-blessed objects will be placed in the sacred balcony. Once the blessed objects spend one 24-hour period there, then they will be ready for placement in the hall of baskets



An ancient repository of objects brought in from the expeditions of old. These expeditions have a long and most revered tradition.  Dating back to last century, the guardian of holy objects embarks on the arduous 15 minute dumpster trek. These trips are fraught with dangers, for there are others.....and they are not without agendas.


There is the ancient vacuum cleaner demon....with his red-as-hell vehicle.  Do not talk to this demon....he will impale you with his pitchfork. He carries 2.  And so our blessed quest is riddled with dangers such as the shouting-sleeping harpy that sleeps on the rocks and screams at the travelers. Do not be deceived by this creature.... once the mighty guardian returns from her quest, the process starts again.....