My lost friend Verizon.

 

I trusted you when my cable lacked.

How would I know youíd end up on crack?

I needed data, satelliteís was lacking.

Now, like Adelphia, your staff needs smacking.

I didnít want to leave you, even for net that was faster.

But now youíve become greedy, ass-hole rat bastards.

 

As easily deduced from my bad poem, I am disgusted with Verizon.  I know this is no big surprise to anyone, because they are a telco after all, and they frequently tend to be despicable.  But I am increasingly disgusted with Verizon, because recently they have become increasingly despicable.

 

You see, my fax line and DSL are one copper run that is provided to my house from Verizon. 

 

 

Cracked out fax monster

does not make calls!

 

 

 

I do not use the phone for voice only data.  I do not run up any huge bills doing things like talking for hours to the Fiji islands.  I just have a monthly rate that never changes and rarely even send a fax out.

 

Well, I started getting these faxes from Verizon saying that I had to contact them about an urgent matter involving my service.  I chalked this up to BS, 1) Because I wasnít past due on the account, and 2) who the hell faxes messages like this anyway?  A few days later, I get another. And then another.

 

My fax machine was being assaulted by vague threats sent by Verizon.  Finally, I call the number they have listed on the faxes in question.  I get a person on the phone who informs me that my ďadvancedĒ features have been suspended.  My first reaction, ďWhat advanced features?Ē  She says that since she is in collections, that she canít actually see what features are on my account but she begins to rattle off a list of advanced features that I could have suspend, should I have them.  The list is long and it includes things like Verizon call forwarding (which is apparently different from call forwarding anywhere else, hence the name), psychic caller id, call ignoring, Verizon electroshock therapy service and the star 69 service, which I think is just a complete misnomer since it involves neither a star nor oral sex.  After sheís done rattling this list off to me, I tell her that I donít have any of those, but I am curious why I am disconnected and will this affect my long distance service.  She doesnít know.Why would she?

 

Well let me clarify this.  She doesnít have any idea if my long distance service is affected, but she said that my service was suspended because I am late in making my phone payment.  I explain to this woman, that I had recently made a payment and I canít imagine that I could be that late, if I am at all.  She goes on to explain that I am late for my March payment.  But wait, it is still March.  I ask for clarification.  She explains that since the end of 2005, Verizon has changed how they do things.  Even though itís always been their policy, they have not been enforcing their late payment policy.  You see I was 3 days late in paying my bill and now Verizon has started shutting peoples services off if they are late by even one day and do not make payment arrangements ahead of time.  She informs me that I got a shut off notice in the mail.  I inform her that I have not.  I also inform her that this is probably the most counterproductive customer service move made since Og told his customers that you could store fire safely in a wicker basket.She didnít seemed bothered by the fact that I compared Verizon to an inept Neanderthal.  Then I ask her if she realizes how angry this will make people.  She plays dumb.So I decide that she is either a Neanderthal herself or itís because sheís being recorded by her Verizon masters, and will be whipped if she admits fault.

 

I go on to explain to her how when I was fresh out of college (well fresh out of dropping out of college, but I didnít mention that part), I went for months without paying bills.  I would have three months of phone bills and still be talking long distance without any problem.  All I ever got was an insert in the bill, maybe a letter in the mail telling me to pay or in 3 month they may come shut off my service.  They never shut my phone off for being two days late.  They never sent hostile faxes.  Now I was a grown adult who always paid the bills.  I was no longer the person fresh from school who would blow the phone bill money on cheap beer and pass while making long distance prank calls to politicians and celebrities.  I just didnít get the change in attitude.

 

Well the Verizon woman could not explain the change in policy that Verizon has undertaken to piss off their customers anew.  She just knew that people have been complaining, but someone was serious about enforcing the payment due dates. It was the computer.It was the system.LOCUST!It was simply too much for her to make any decisions on her own, so she just pushed buttons and listened to people complain.She didnít even have a script to read.Knowing all this, I still felt it necessary to alert her that there will be many people who change service providers.  I even went as far to tell her that I was now seriously considering leaving Verizon for one of their competitors.  But she really didnít seem to mind.  She was only a collections drone, and caring would go against the computer program.

 

After getting off the call and thinking about the situation throughout the day, it suddenly dawned on me.  Verizon billing issues ŗ  MCI/Worldcom billing issues.  Oh yeah, Verizon did acquire MCI.  Hmmmm.  Oh yeah, this policy ďenforcementĒ reeks of MCI/Worldcom.  It is a stench that is unmistakable; it is the smell of desperation and over billing.  So anyone with a Verizon account best keep an eye on their bills, because the double charging is coming.

 

I guess the moral of the story is that Verizon, like many other corporations in recent day, does not really give a fuck about their customers.  Like the countless others, they want to sit back, collect money, and provide little in the way of service.  It was a company of mediocre ass moneys, but now with the new infusion of the Bernie legacy, it has blown up to become a spiteful corporation of greedy dickness. They figure they are so big now that they donít need to work about keeping happy customers.  They have most of the country anyway.  Wait didnít they split up Bell to kill the monopoly?  Wow, dťjŗ vu!

 

When the cable company screwed me, I went to satellite.  Directv rules.  They have great customer service.  So Verizon should not be too surprised when I go to one of their many competitors.  Verizon is turning into MCI, and it has to be stopped.  We donít want you or your lame ass computer billing systems MCI.  Stop screwing up Verizon.

 

And Verizon, I issue this warning.  Change your ways or end up like Worldcom. Then you will be the one being faxed with termination notices.